I Got Poison Ivy

[“About poison ivy - shortly after a very exciting trip to Texas in 2003, I wrote a column or two about it, penned a song entitled ‘The Bucksnort Cafe’, put all my clothes away as neatly as possible and started to scratch a red rash on my right arm. Stink! I grabbed a pen.”]

I Got Poison Ivy

Verse 1

I got poison ivy on my arm, one little blotch won’t do much harm.
But it started to spread to other spots, pretty soon I had quite a lot.
With poison ivy runnin’ down my leg, “Oh, shoot me please!” I was heard to beg.
My wife said, “Don’t scratch it dear. It’ll start to spread front to rear.”
But I’d scratch it even in my sleep, it was everywhere within a week.
With poison ivy up the other leg, “Just, shoot me please!” I was heard to beg.

Chorus:

Poison ivy everywhere, poison ivy’s got me cursed I swear.
It seems to have me around the neck, where it goes it hurts like heck.
I said, “Here’s a gun. Just shoot me please.
Won’t somebody end my miseries?”

Verse 2

My wife spread on some calamine. She said, “This oughta work out just fine.”
The poison ivy moved in such a rush, we had to slap it on with a six inch brush.
When poison ivy got in my eye, “Just, shoot me please!” I was heard to cry.
I started to try home remedies, written years ago by some old ladies.
I took hot baths with Fels-Naptha soap, it made me smell like such a dope.
When poison ivy got the other eye, “Just, shoot me please! I’d rather die.”

Verse 3


Laundry soap and oatmeal baths, I tried ‘em all, my wife just laughed.
I ate jewel weed and other stuff, never in my life has it been this rough.
With poison ivy in my underpants. “Just shoot me please,” I was heard to rant.
But Sunlight soap finally was the cure, I washed twice a day that’s for sure,
And in twenty days I was OK, I’ve lived to see another day.
I guess shootin’ me was bad advice. But my wife thought about it once or twice.

gah

***

Please click here to read about the red rash of Texas.

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